Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
