Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
