im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
