His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
