Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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