You're completely useless in the revolution.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't deserve a penis
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
