The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
