marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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