I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
