I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
