I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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