Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
