boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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