There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
