ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
