At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
