The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
