when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You pole danced in your parka.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
