About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
