If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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