her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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