You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
