I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
