Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
