we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
