my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
