I need help removing her.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
