i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
