Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
