babies were throwing up all over the place
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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