i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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