Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
