We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
