I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
