I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
