I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
