She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
