that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
