I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
