Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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