were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
