To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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