No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
