She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
