Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
