Porn is love you can see.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
