I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
