So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
