Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
