I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
