my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
no, he came in my armpit
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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