My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
