You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
