Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
